A Downward Spiral

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An irrelevant photo of a bank in Georgetown, DC

As my network expands, I realize that a lot of negative and positive interactions will come with it. Friends will come and go. Your heart will be broken, and people you thought were true to you, instead may cut you off without telling you. And there’s really nothing that you can control. But if you stay true to yourself, if you stay true to your good intentions, better things will come your way and you’ll naturally attract people who were meant to be there for you… and at the end of the day, you’ll know for sure who your real friends are.

So since I love lists so much, here are a few things to remember for when you feel like the world is pummeling you down into a pit, like I’ve been feeling this whole entire week.

  1. True friends will always be there for you no matter what at the end of the day
  2. True friends don’t make assumptions and preconceived ideas of you based on what they heard. Instead, they would make their own based on their interactions with you
  3. People will say things about you that are untrue. It’s life.
  4. If you don’t feel like you have anyone, your family will always love you. Family will be there for you no matter what.
  5. If you’ve done wrong, realize that you’ve done wrong. No more beating yourself up for it. Pick yourself up and learn from that mistake. You, in yourself, will know that you are better.
  6. Don’t chase after people!!
  7. “Don’t waste your time with explanations. People only hear what they want to hear.” – Paul Coelho
  8. Be true to yourself and don’t force a friendship or relationship. Friendship is a two way street.
  9. Don’t pay attention to the negatives of what people say. It may hurt. But don’t counter that with more negativity. Instead, encapsulate yourself with positive people who make your life happier.
  10. Don’t take things so personally. Life is short. And people will be people.
  11. People have opinions. Opinions are natural.
  12. Not 100% of people will like you. It’s not your fault. It would be unreal if they did.
  13. Keep your head up. It’s not the end of the world. Out of 20 people who hate you, there are 80 more who love you.

A Brain Dump: Just A Few Things

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An entry in my journal just about a year ago

Chapter 1. Madness

There’s nothing like a break up. Fortunately, that’s one of the biggest pains I have felt my entire life. (Because they’re not the worst things in the world that could ever happen to me). But goddamn, it hurts like a bitch. I won’t sugarcoat this post. I was angry. I have been angry since day one of the break up, but slowly that anger began to fade into sadness – the realization that I will never (or at least not any time soon) be able to talk to the person that I once loved (and still love so dearly) anymore. The realization that the person you knew every single aspect of, the person whose only schedule you cared about keeping up with, the only person you’d ever get excited about seeing, your partner in crime, your partner in errands, your partner in everything – they’re gone… and you just kind of have to bite your tongue and suck it up… Because what else could you have done? The relationship had come to a dead end. I could not change him, nor did I even want to. I could not change the way he acted, the words that he spoke, the way he handled fights and arguments… I knew that if the way we conducted our relationship did not make me happy (and if we had exhausted all other methods, in which we did), the best option was to end things. So I did.

Chapter 2. Invite the Sadness in, and Learn to Let It Go

I don’t know what’s worse. Being sad on a beautiful, sunny day or being sad on a cloudy, gloomy day. I feel like I’m wasting away in bed right now when I could be going outside to enjoy the weather. However, if it were cloudy… yes, I would have had a better excuse to stay in, but what’s there to look forward to when even the weather doesn’t seem to be feeling right.

I mean, I know for a fact that I will get better. I know that one day, I will wake up and fewer things I see everyday will remind me of him. I know for a fact that this will be easier over time. It hurts a lot right now, but I am letting the sadness encapsulate me in its nature and when the time comes, I will let it go and move on. I just wish I knew how long that would take or when that day will finally come…

I still have all of my photos of you and photos of us on my phone and all over my room and the photo frame that you made me, yet I can’t bring myself to get rid of them just yet. Because as much as I know it’s over, a part of me knows that if remove those things, it’ll be like you were never there… And how can I just delete a part of my life that I loved and cherish? The chapter may be closed, but the memories don’t have to be forgotten. The “ex-box” will be made when later throughout the healing process.

Chapter 3. “Keep On Keeping On” – A shirt that Childish Gambino wore in a 4 second commercial that stuck with me for weeks

I was a sad mess right before I pulled my laptop and started on this blog post. For a while now, I refused to write when I was sad or upset. It made me even more depressed to read it back. However, writing is an outlet for me and it is the friend that will never refuse to listen to me the days when I want to talk about myself and my dreams and my sadness and my heartbreaks, loves, hates, insecurities, secrets. It does not get tired of me, because it literally cannot! Writing doesn’t just wipe away my tears, it soothes the sadness inside of me. And with the emotionally draining challenges I am put up against, I will always be able to count on the art of writing in order to keep me sane. And with this blog post, I can announce what I COULD NOT announce about 2 hours ago… it’s that I am alright.

*Thank you to everybody who reads my posts. I am still shy about posting these extemely personal ones, but I told myself I would try harder to not be so afraid of such bad judgments as they should not matter if I am truly comfortable with myself. And thank you to the friend that helped me take this leap at continuing my blogging.

What Makes A Person Attractive

 

 

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Over the years, I’ve had the opportunity to meet some great people in my life. Here are some of the best qualities I’ve picked out of some of my favorite people

  • The way your belly sticks out after you’ve just eaten a meal and you’re not trying to look good, but you do anyways
  • The way your face lights up and your body swings into full motion when you’re telling a story
  • The ambition in your eyes and the power in your step when you really want something
  • How although when 7 things go wrong, you’re still looking up because of that 8th thing that went right
  • The natural way your words flow out of your mouth and you can go on and on about something you’re passionate about, regardless of what others might think
  • Your extremely ugly laugh, but it’s beautiful nonetheless because it remarks genuine happiness
  • How frantic you can get when 2 strands of hair fall out of place
  • The way you express your opinions unapologetically
  • When you offer to go out of your way to do something for someone just to make their life easier
  • Your smile that never rests
  • The way when someone compliments you, you lose all your words and can’t stop smiling
  • Your favorite past times, like blogging and dancing and singing and exercising
  • How you’re very understanding when I don’t call for a week because you understand that life can get hectic.
  • When you pay for your friends, not because you expect anything in return, but because you want to

Beauty isn’t always the way a person looks. I find beauty in the way people live their life on a day to day basis, how they react to things, their personal mannerisms. Beauty is more than just skin deep.