SOLAYM: Pride & Prejudice

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Everyone in their lifetime hits a point of judgment and prejudice. A lot of people hit a point of actually caring about these prejudices, while the few lucky ones just don’t. I had no experience with negative assumptions and judgment.. or at least a care for it up until now. Because I was such a quiet person growing up, I knew that nobody had a reason to dislike me… and those who didn’t like me… well, I knew they didn’t know me so they had no good reason to so I just brushed that off my shoulder.

At this point in my life as a 20 year old constantly meeting new people and networking, I am extending my arms out to hundreds of people every year. I am making conversation, making judgments about people as they are with me… However, this past year has hit me harder than ever. I have heard many rumors about me, presumptions about me, lots of different judgments. I guess that’s what happens when your network starts to grow… the more people who know you, the more people who are prone to talking about you. It’s gotten to me more than I should have let it, though my skin is still in the process of thickening… but this occurrence has helped me realize I am still as fragile as a thin layer of ice on a lake of the first day of winter.

Now for the most part, I just shrug and say I don’t care… but I actually just internally let myself feel the wrath of the accusations circulating around my network of acquaintances… and then I try to let it go. It isn’t always easy, but I know much better that recirculating all that hatred and prejudice also is poisonous for the mind.

With a lot of thought put into it, I have come to the conclusion that fighting fire with fire doesn’t put out the flames, and that two wrongs logically do not make a right. I know I must realize that people will have opinions and that “what they think of me is none of my business.” That is the best way to live. Like Kid Cudi said, “they gon’ judge me anyway, so whatever”. To live a life with a healthy mind, I must rid myself of negative feelings towards those with poorly preconceived ideas of me. I know in my heart and soul that I try to be as nice as a person I can be, as understanding of person I can be, as polite, considerate, and intelligent of a person I can be, and if that isn’t enough for somebody else… then I guess the only problem is their problem. As cloudy as my mind may get from all of this negativity, I must remind myself to be better than that. I refuse to let these negative opinions of me get in the way of my growth and confidence. It’s been a difficult journey with all of these negative people buzzing in and out, through and around my ears, trying to drag me down… but I am strong. And for those who have a problem with me, those negative feelings is just your energy used up against me. And with the power of myself in respect to Buddha and his teachings, I emancipate myself of all of the fucks I have given to those who have talked shit about me in the past, still talk shit about me, and will continue to talk shit about me in the future because it is not worth my emotions or time. Thank you.

Here are 2 incredible quotes that inspire me:

I don’t care what you think about me. I don’t think about you at all.” – Coco Chanel

My philosophy is: It’s none of my business what people say of me and think of me. I am what I am and I do what I do. I expect nothing and accept everything. And it makes life so much easier.” – Anthony Hopkins

*For more posts and pictures of positivity, visit http://www.solaym.tumblr.com. I have had this blog for a few years now and constantly always look back at it when I need inspiration and enlightenment for those bad days.

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Rant: Words

I would like to rant right now. I hate not always having the right words pop into my head that exude exactly what I am thinking. I hate how I trip over words and scramble to look for the right ones. It is such an impediment to have a world in your mind and opinions you wish to express with all of your heart, but you can’t string it all together and execute it verbally.

I cannot argue. I cannot argue. I cannot argue for my life. I am so tired of keeping full out rants and incredible stories and little things about my day that I liked and just everything that I feel, to my own self because I don’t know how to say it out loud. And when I try to, it doesn’t come across how I imagined or to the fullest effect it could have been if someone else were to tell it. And I am so deeply envious of those who are graceful with words, who say exactly what they truly mean to say and can pick out the right words from the top of their head. It’s truly a talent. Maybe one day I could possibly do that… but I cannot express myself for the life of me with words and I just want to punch a wall because I feel so disabled.