Growing up, I was always a shy kid – didn’t talk much, was too scared to approach people. I always felt like that person that everyone knew of, but never really knew… At least that’s the way I saw it. Because I always saw other people with their best friends and their really big friend groups, I wondered why I couldn’t have that? Why couldn’t I click with that many people? I struggled with being shy and being an introvert for all of my life up until my freshman year of college at UMBC. There, I felt like I could start fresh. I could make a new reputation. I could make a new face for myself. And that’s exactly what I did. I put myself out there and attended different club organizations, took the initiative in group projects, presented in front of people without shaking or feeling anxious. I met new people, and learned how to break out of my shell. I felt like I could rule the world. Then I made the decision of transferring to a new school – University of Maryland, College Park. Over time living at College Park, I drew back into myself. I became shy again. The thought of presenting a speech in front of fifteen people put me in a place of distress. I felt so out of place and I didn’t know why. I was extremely confused as to why I was like this. Just a few months before that, I was thriving, I was excited for life, unafraid of being ignored because I knew it wouldn’t faze me. But it changed just like that, and I felt vulnerable again – I became that person I thought I’d escaped for good and put in the past. I knew I liked social interaction, but too much of it exhausted me. I could talk for hours on end, I thought… but only with the right people. I refused to call myself shy, awkward, or an introvert. The thought of not being a people person was repulsing to me. I HAD to be a people person, just because I knew that a “people person” or an “extrovert” was just the kind of person that most people liked. And I wanted to be that (as terrible as it sounds). So for the longest time, I categorized myself as an extrovert. I would force myself to make conversation with people just because I wanted to prove to myself I was truly a “people person”. But as nature took its course, I became exhausted all too easily while trying to keep up with small talk. My cheeks would start to become unnaturally numb from smiling for too long. I would hate myself for not being able to go at it longer, for not being able to keep up with the masses. I knew I overcame my shyness and awkwardness, but why wasn’t I good at all this talking?
After constant, confusing analysis, only just recently however, did I finally give into accepting myself as the introvert I am. Just because I like communication, doesn’t make me an extrovert and I had to accept it. I find that after hanging out with my friends for a long time, I find myself to get way too tired. My body physically gives up on me as the hours pass and I am still talking. But I know there is no better type of person whether you’re an introvert or an extrovert. And even though I need a lot of personal time to recharge, I can still have amazing conversations with people I can click with anyway. That’s the thing with being an introvert.. I don’t click with everybody so when I find people I actually have a natural bond with, that I can converse with for hours (and not become tired), I know it’s special. I think that’s the best thing that has come with accepting that I am an introvert. And I’m not ashamed of being one anymore.
Over the years, I’ve had the opportunity to meet some great people in my life. Here are some of the best qualities I’ve picked out of some of my favorite people
- The way your belly sticks out after you’ve just eaten a meal and you’re not trying to look good, but you do anyways
- The way your face lights up and your body swings into full motion when you’re telling a story
- The ambition in your eyes and the power in your step when you really want something
- How although when 7 things go wrong, you’re still looking up because of that 8th thing that went right
- The natural way your words flow out of your mouth and you can go on and on about something you’re passionate about, regardless of what others might think
- Your extremely ugly laugh, but it’s beautiful nonetheless because it remarks genuine happiness
- How frantic you can get when 2 strands of hair fall out of place
- The way you express your opinions unapologetically
- When you offer to go out of your way to do something for someone just to make their life easier
- Your smile that never rests
- The way when someone compliments you, you lose all your words and can’t stop smiling
- Your favorite past times, like blogging and dancing and singing and exercising
- How you’re very understanding when I don’t call for a week because you understand that life can get hectic.
- When you pay for your friends, not because you expect anything in return, but because you want to
Beauty isn’t always the way a person looks. I find beauty in the way people live their life on a day to day basis, how they react to things, their personal mannerisms. Beauty is more than just skin deep.
A photo that probably accurately describes my personality I think lol
Hi everybody! My name is Michelle and welcome to my blog, where you’ll find an unleashed and uncensored scroll of thoughts from my brain. I’ll be honest – I’m not the best writer in the world, but I try.. and I can say that’s better than not trying at all! As they say, “you might not be the best runner, but at least you’re lapping everyone on the couch,” …or something of that sort. I figured I had a lot of free time on my hands, a lot of thoughts in my head, and maybe not enough outlets to strain the mess that entangle in my brain.
Here are some of my goals to achieve with this blog!
- I will learn to unapologetically be myself and voice my opinions
- Hopefully at least one person can relate with me lol
- Maybe, just MAYBE, I’ll be consistent with SOMETHING for once in my life???
- Become better at writing or something
If you’re still reading and if you’re still interested, imagine a tear rolling down my cheek. Thank you :’)
If you don’t know much about me, here’s a list of 10 (random but hopefully interesting) things about myself!
- I sweat a lot from my armpits, especially when it’s cold or when I am giving a presentation. (Think of a waterfall)
- I like to buy books, plan to read them, and then let them sit on my book shelf to collect dust instead.
- I low-key get excited when I see someone call my phone.
- I’m not an awkward person, but I can get extremely, uncomfortably awkward when I interact with someone awkward.
- My hobbies include lifting weights, watching Ted Talks about self-confidence, and talking about personal feelings and self-evaluation.
- I feel uncomfortable talking about controversial topics, like politics, if my closeness level with you isn’t at 11/10.
- I’m an ENFP if you’re into the MBTI personality tests.
- My biggest desire is to travel the world with people I love, but I am too scared and too broke for that matter.
- I am Buddhist.
- I’m not exactly shy – just naturally a quiet person and it’s actually extremely exhausting for me to carry conversations when I feel too pressured to do so.
Thank you for reading if you actually finished! 🙂 More blog entries will be coming soon and I hope someone finds interest in them, so stay tuned. If not, then OK lol.